Bipolar Richard's Almanac

by Richard Jarzynka

Author of  Blessed with Bipolar

The Bible tells us, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19) It also instructs us not to sin in our anger. But I am not aware of any place where scripture commands, “Never get angry!”

Jesus, himself, got angry and the Bible is replete with mentions – and demonstrations – of the wrath of God. Of course, He is God, so His anger is always righteous and never sinful. But, by saying, ” . . . be slow to become angry” and do not sin in your anger, the Bible also implies the possibility that there may be times when our anger is not sinful and we have held it at bay long enough.

This is, indeed, good news for those of us who have bipolar disorder

. We get angry. And, sometimes, that is a most healthy response to our circumstances.

So, rather than talking about how to control our anger, I want to ask the question, “How do we make our anger productive rather than destructive – or sinful?”

When you lose a job, anger may be a very necessary – and even therapeutic – response. I’ve been there – many, many times. When a friend betrays you, anger is not a symptom. It is Sane! Maybe the only sane response. God sent Judas to Hell. That does not give us the right to seek vengeance against our betrayer. But it does say that our anger is legitimate and even justified. In fact, there are times when not to feel and express our anger would damage our mind, body, soul, and spirit. Silently and semi-consciously hanging on to an unadmitted anger can turn it into the bitterness that eats away at our souls.

So, how do we make our anger productive? How do we turn it into a blessing? (You can read more on this topic in my book, Blessed with Bipolar)

1. When you feel angry, recognize and acknowledge that you are angry. Anger is a natural human emotion that, in itself, is not bad or wrong. And you cannot get past it without acknowledging it. If you bury it inside, there are two possible outcomes – and both are destructive. You will either eventually explode with rage or become mentally and/or physically ill.
2. Accept it as a natural human emotion that may well be appropriate to the situation and may even be the start of healing.
3. Let God know about it. Yell it out to Him – at Him, if necessary. He can handle it and He knew you were angry even before you did. And when you let God know about your anger, do not timidly whisper, “Dear God, I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’m feeling sorta angry about this.” Tell Him about it with all of the emotion and passion that you are feeling. Again, He can handle it. He’s God. Abnd He will not reject you for it. He’ll be happy to hear from you. (And if you don’t believe in God, let Him know that, too.)
4. Identify the real source of your anger. This takes some courage. You have to honestly confront. Are you really angry at your spouse, for example, or are you just taking it out on him/her because you are frustrated with your job?
5. Go back to God and tell him that you forgive the person who is the object of your anger. You don’t have to feel the forgiveness! And you don’t have to tell the person – yet. Byut if you do not forgive, the anger will eat away at you. Tell God that you release the person from your anger. Tell Him that you forgive and ask Him to bless them. He will help you with all of this.
6. (Warning: do not attempt this step before you have done the others. It will not work) Assertively (not aggressively!) confront the real object of your anger. This is not an easy thing to do. It requires that you respectfully, but firmly and directly, express your concerns, frustrations, objections,  to the person who is the object of your anger. It also requires that you state how their behavior affected you, your needs, and your suggestions for how to handle the issue in the future. All without exploding or allowing yourself to be walked over.

We sometimes fail to assert ourselves because we think it will be perceived as an angry attack. So, we go passive and bury the anger. At other times, we fail to asset ourselves because we confront the other person before we have understood and harnessed our anger. When that happens the confrontation becomes an angry explosion rather than a firm and respectful statement of our concerns, frustrations, needs, and suggestions.

Do the first five steps of the process before attempting an assertive, effective, and respectful confrontation of the object of your anger. That does not mean that you can feel no anger when you attempt an assertive confrontation. The anger may be an essential motivator. But you want to do this effectively (To get what you want out of it) and in order to make that happen you must first harness the anger. You don’t have to get rid of the anger completely, but you do have to harness it so you can use it for good.

If you want to be assertive rather than aggressive, focus on the issue rather than the person. Without yelling (you did that part with God), firmly and respectively state to the other person your concerns, disagreements, frustrations, needs, and suggestions. This is not easy. But if you follow these steps, you can express your wrath without exploding, without causing more trouble for yourself and others, without being “quick to become angry,” and without sinning in your anger.

Bipolar Richard       Follow on Facebook

by Richard Jarzynka

Blessed with Bipolar

On Thursday September 2, 2010, I will begin hosting my own internet radio show called .  .  .  Yes, Yes, Yes .  .  .  BLESSED WITH BIPOLAR!

I have not yet worked out all of the details and I am not really ready to do this. But so what?! If I waited until I was ready, I might never do it. And I need to do this. I am going to use this forum to make it clear to anybody who will listen that although we may have bipolar, we are far more than the disorder. It will be MORE than a place where we can discuss bipolar and help each other out. We will do that (there is a phone number that you will be able to call-in on – and I want you to callin!), but I am also going to discuss many other topics that interest me and you.  We need to show people that those of us who have bipolar fully participate in the rest of the world, too. We have valid and strong opinions (probably stronger than most other people) about all of the issues of the day.  We can make a great contribution to society – not in spite of bipolar – but because we can use our intensity, energy, creativity, racing thoughts turned to brainstorming, impulsivity harnessed to become initiative, delusions focused into strategic goals, and even our pain and depression; to shake up the world! And it is time for the world to know it. Now, I’m not talking about throwing away our meds and running crazy (ape-shit as an old recovering alcoholic friend would say). That would be stupid. I’m talking about staring down the stigma, proudly proclaiming that we have bipolar and that “If you could pick which mental illness to have, bipolar would be the only sane choice.” I’m talking about telling people that we have bipolar and then using tjhe positive aspects of our symptoms to let others see us succeed. We will show them the truth about ourselves and bipolar. And we will keep each other sane.

I intend to also discuss sports. The only team I really care about has not had a winning season in 18 years and is likely to finish dead-last in the league this year – the Pittsburgh Pirates. I have to talk on the show about what interests me, otherwise, I will be dead-bored and so would you. And I will not let that happen. I will also talk about politics and what is absolutely most important in my life – Jesus Christ! I imagine this show as a hybrid of Dr. Phil,  Glenn Beck, Howard Cosell (before he died and was survived by his toupe), and the 700 Club – with a big, bad dose of madness mixed through it all – because that is who Ya’Zhynka is. And I need to be me and I need to have fun with this. Otherwise, it will become a job – and jobs do not end well for me.

I want your suggestions. How long should the show be? How often should I do it? Daily? W

eekly? Two or three times a week? What would be a good way to increase the audience? What can we do to let people know about the show? What would you hope to get out of the show? Any special segments?

I trust that you have noticed by now that I am excited about this. I will do everything I can to inform, entertain, and inspire. You will be able to tune into the show at www.blogtalkradio.com/BwB

Give me your ideas and we will get started on Thursday September 2 – whether I am ready or not.

Richard Jarzynka (Ya’Zhynka!)

I submitted the following story suggestion and request to be interviewed to CNN, Dr. Phil, The 700 Club, Oprah, and Dr. Oz. It would be helpful to those who have bipolar and depression and it would be informative and entertaining for viewers who do not.

“Build a Better Brain by Cracking-Up: How to use ‘bad’ emotions to live a better life.” I did it! And I will passionately teach your audience to do the same – without the full-blown crack-up that had me completing my masters in Psychology while I was locked on a Psych Ward. The crack-up that led to my book, “BLESSED with BIPOLAR” which you can preview at www.bipolarman.org

I will inform, entertain, inspire, and teach your audience to turn anger into assertiveness, depression to insight and empathy, anxiety to initiative, mania to creativity, delusions to goal-setting, and racing thoughts to a one-person brainstorming session. Imagine people coming to know – with real conviction – that their deepest pain will be their greatest joy.

I firmly believe that if you could pick which mental illness to have, bipolar would be the only sane choice. But the good news is that you don’t have to be “off-your-rocker” like me to get all the benefits of cracking-up. All you need are some “bad” emotions and I can teach you how to build a better brain.

Richard Jarzynka,  BLESSED WITH BIPOLAR

by Richard Jarzynka

Hallelujah knew that life could be better. Or, at least, he knew that most people believed that it should be better and he wanted to believe that, too. But he had grave doubts, grave thoughts, and an even graver feeling, a feeling that he had fought so long that it had beaten almost all hope out of him. And it was that “almost” that landed him in this strange place with no more than a flicker of fight left in him.

Hallelujah looked for all the world like he had everything going for him. He stood 6-foot-6 on a lean and power-wiry frame of maybe 220 pounds that had the steel-straight look of no more than 205. And his face seemed to somehow have a year-round light cream natural tan that was completely unnatural for a man with his deep red hair, curling at his neck and below his ears.

When his mind was right, Hallelujah was a bold, bright, and forceful figure that drew people to himself. Right up until the moment they fully regretted crossing him and his hazel eyes raged and his jaw clenched and he roared with all six-and-a-half feet of his fierce-fresh wildman self. And even then, somehow, they were still drawn to him.

But Hallelujah’s mind was not now anywhere close to right.

James, oddly, had much the same look as Hallelujah – minus the red hair. In fact, nobody knew the color of James’ hair. Just before coming to this strange place, James had shaved his head right down to the nut. Indeed, that was on of the things that landed him in the strange place.

James was just as tall and lean and strong as Hallelujah and neither of them was very old, but just how old, nobody knew. They were old enough to be in the strange place and young enough to look completely out of place there.

On the outside Hallelujah and James looked like they could be the same person. Even in the strange place, they moved like athletes. They didn’t walk. They strode. But James – of course – held his shoulders back a little farther and his head still higher.

In the space of one sixty second conversation with either Hallelujah or James people knew they were dealing with a man who could think – and had thought. A man who had studied much and learned voraciously – in and out of school. Even when they’d rather give their mind a rest. Even when it cried out for a rest. They couldn’t help it. The brain never stopped.

It would have been easy to confuse Hallelujah and James for each other – if not for the shaved head! But James did not just know that life could be better. He did not merely believe, like most people, that it should be better. James was a million miles per hour driven to force the highest, most, and best out of life – no matter what and right straight through the damnable thorn in his side!

And James saw the flicker of fight that Hallelujah did not know was still left in him.

Blessed with Bipolar – website Blessed with Bipolar – Facebook

by Richard Jarzynka

The question, “When did this become about religion?” was recently asked on my book’s Facebook page, Blessed with Bipolar,  and I felt the need to give some clarification. So, here are my thoughts about the place of faith and non-faith on that Facebook page:

1. All are welcome to post their comments, suggestions, theories of man (and woman), philosophical anthropology, bipolar and non-bipolar experiences, and rules for living – regardless of faith or non-faith.
2. I attempted to write my book, Blessed with Bipolar, in a way that would make it accessible to people of every faith and non-faith in the hope that all will be able to benefit from the book.
3. I have learned from – and been helped by – people of various faiths, atheists, people whose faith never became known to me, Christians of  numerous different denominations, and people whose faith is very similar to my own. The psychiatrist I have been seeing since the late 1990’s is a middle eastern man of Arab descent. He has never discussed his faith with me, but I doubt that it is the same as mine. That has not kept me from trusting him and being helped by him. My counselor was raised a Catholic and I do not know what his faith or non-faith is now. What is important is that he has sincere respect for my faith, works to understand the role it plays in my life, and knows that it is essential to my treatment.
4. There is nothing more important to me than my relationship with Jesus Christ. I have given my life to Him and believe that He is the Son of God who died on the Cross to pay the penalty that we fully deserve for our sins, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven, and will come again to judge the living and the dead. I respect everybody’s right not to believe as I do, but I will never back away from my faith for anybody – not one inch. The attorneys who opposed me in my lawsuit against St. Thomas University School of Law attempted to use my faith against me. That only made me express it all the more fully.
5. Christ appears right on the first page of “Blessed with Bipolar” and fills the book in a way that I believe can benefit all people. The book, in various places, will offend Christians, non-Christians, and Atheists. One person on another site wrote, “These Blessed with Bipolar ads on Facebook really piss me off.” And I wrote, “Any book that does not piss some people off isn’t worth reading.” I’m not exactly what you might typically think of when you think, “Christian.”
6. Everybody is welcome to present well-thought-out disagreements with each other on any issue including faith – as long as those disagreements are supported by facts and sound, respectful reasoning. Personal attacks of any kind will be deleted and may result in the poster being blocked.

I gave my life to Christ in 1988 when I was first hospitalized for a severe episode of suicidal major depression for two months. I believed that I would never be discharged and nothing helped – not elavil, imipramine, trilafon, or ativan, not psychiatry or psychology – until a former alcoholic told me his story of how he had destroyed his life before coming to Christ. He left a booklet of scripture with me that I clearly did not fully understand – and never fully will – but the simple act of reading those bible verses made me feel a moment’s small bit of peace that I had not come close to feeling in a long, long time and did not deserve. A peace that I had believed I would never feel again. So, I kept reading until one day I literally fell to my knees on the floor of my psych ward room and gave my life to Christ. Things did Not immediately turn perfect. But I started to believe that my many sins could be forgiven and that I had some chance of not going to Hell. It took a good deal of time for me to be fully convinced. It was about 10 months after I came to Christ that my depression lifted. Since then, my faith has continued to grow through many doubts, trials, anger at God, fights with God, the sin that I still daily commit, changes in churches, mania, depression, rage, joy, job losses, an expulsion from law school, representing myself in a lawsuit against the school, and writing “Blessed with Bipolar.”

It is not my job to try to force anyone to believe in Christ. Jesus, Himself, never did that. But He did say, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,” (John 14:6) and “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.” (John 3:16-18) Those are not my words. They are the words of Jesus Christ.

I believe Jesus when He said that putting your faith in Him is the only way to get to heaven. And it is my obligation to God, as a Christian, to proclaim that message. You are free to accept or reject that message, but know that it is not my message. It is the Word of Christ Jesus that you accept or reject. Your agreement or disagreement is not with me, but with Him.

My relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in my life. I respect your right to believe differently and I welcome you to express your faith or non-faith on my Facebook sites. But Jesus Christ, His Words, and verses from scripture will most certainly be a part of my “Blessed with Bipolar” Facebook page. If that costs me readers, so be it. I follow a Man who was so thoroughly rejected by this world that it nailed him to a cross and let him hang there until it had killed him. So, it is quite “natural” that a good number of people will disagree with me. I’ll try to love you anyway, the best I can.

Richard Jarzynka Author of Blessed with Bipolar follow on Facebook

by Richard Jarzynka

On the “Blessed with Bipolar” Facebook page, I recently asked, “What do you need to accomplish before you can have true and lasting joy?”

I received many intriguing answers, including, “A stable mind and healthy body,” “Acceptance,” and “Food stamps.” But the response that most caught my attention was, “Dying.” It also happens to be the most direct way of stating what I was really getting at by asking the question in the first place.

The key words in the question are “need” and “joy.” What do they mean and what do they have to do with each other?  Without checking a dictionary, I’ll give you my definition. (Hey, it’s my blog and I’m not writing for my old Law Professors. I get to make my own definitions here!)

Need: an absolute must; something you cannot possibly do without.

Joy: a deep inner peace, satisfaction, and sense of well-being that is not dependent upon your circumstances.

Hmmm . . . ? If you accept those definitions, then the phrase “not dependent upon your circumstances” gives away the answer to the question, “What do you need to accomplish to have a true and lasting joy?”

If I need any worldly thing in order to have joy, then I will never have true and lasting joy. That’s why I was so intrigued by the answer “Dying.” If I want to have true and lasting joy, I must die to my worldly desires – and that means dying to myself. Isn’t that simple logic?

How can I have true and lasting joy if it depends upon having some thing or relationship? Aren’t all things and relationships temporary? Or, at least, in constant danger of ending immediately or changing drastically? And with them goes my joy. If I depend upon those things for joy, then even while I have them I will be anxious, dissatisfied, and lacking a sense of well-being. Because I will always, on some level, desperately fear losing them.

So, how do I get this real joy? Well, logic would seem to say, “Give up your needs.” And Jesus says, “Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it.” (Luke 17:33) And there are many who would say, “You’re nuts!  Are you telling me that the only way to have real joy is to give up every damn thing and go live homeless and alone in the street?!”

No. I’m not even telling you that we should not “want” and strive for things and relationships. I’m telling you that if you do end up homeless and alone in the street, it is still possible to have real joy. Because true and lasting joy does not – and cannot – depend upon those temporary things and people that you strove for, gained, and lost. Real joy depends upon that which is eternal and never-changing. Real joy depends upon that which is the “same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) And when you find that, you will have “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Philippians 4:12)

Richard Jarzynka,  author of BLESSED WITH BIPOLAR follow on Facebook

by Richard Jarzynka

I was not going to church much back in 1990, but I did consider myself a believer. I was not well-versed in scripture, so I wasn’t really solid on exactly what I believed, but I knew that Christ died on the Cross for my sins, saved me from the hell of bipolar, and was a really good guy who caused a lot of trouble and made people angry enough to kill Him.

At the same time, I was working as a psychotherapist in a Lutheran agency serving troubled (and troubling) adolescents and their families (also troubled and troubling). For some Godly reason, I ended up working closely with – and befriending – another psychotherapist who just happened to also be a Lutheran minister and chaplain to the agency for which we worked.

Eventually, I began to attend my buddy’s Sunday morning chapel services for the troubled (and troubling) adolescents. And on one Sunday I fatefully volunteered to recite one of the scripture readings – prior to taking a look at just what that particular scripture had to say. So, I got up to the pulpit and out came this:

“(Jesus) went to Nazareth, where He had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day He went into the synagogue, as was His custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. Unrolling it, He found the place where it is written: ‘The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to declare good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the captives and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.’ Then He rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down . . . (H)e began by saying to them, ‘Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.’ ” (Luke 4:16-20a,21b)

That shook me a bit. I had already been hospitalized twice. I had seen the hell of absolute despair. And I was bugged by the fact that I had volunteered to do that reading – and it turned out to be a passage of Jesus doing a reading about being anointed to bring good news to the poor and saying, “This scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” It felt strange. Like God was speaking to me.

I easily confess that I have bipolar – sometimes proudly, maybe too proudly. But there is one thing about my bipolar that I hesitate to mention because I know that it could make people think I am not merely bipolar but irreparably – and for all time – out of my friggin’ mind. During my first hospitalization in 1988 I was in such a state of despair, paranoia, and mental fracture that I came to believe that I had actually already died and gone to Hell. (I told you it was crazy) And it felt like hell, but it was just a taste of what I truly deserve – and I can never thank God enough for giving me just a taste of that agony. It turned me to Him and I survived.  It was in the midst of hell that I started reading scripture and began to ask,  “What if ?  .  .  .   What if this could be true . . . for me?” That could change everything.

So, when I randomly volunteered to do a supposedly random scripture reading that ended up saying, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me because he has anointed me to declare good news to the poor . . . to proclaim freedom for the captives . . .” it was only (super?)-natural for me to wonder, “What if? . . . What if this Word of God is talking straight to me?”

“Good news?” “Freedom” Why not me? I had been depressed beyond despair. I had seen a glimpse of hell  – and had been shown the way out. God – Jesus Christ – carried me out when I could barely feed myself, let alone fight my way out of hell. Why wouldn’t God call me – even anoint me – to declare that good news, those glad tidings, to despairing souls suffering their own hell? Had God been preparing me? I had been there. Seen the hell and survived. Even had a masters in psychology that I finished during my second tour of the psych ward. And I really was some sort of believer.

It knocked me over – the possibility that God could put such a call on my life. I wasn’t quite sure – after all, I do have bipolar. But that scripture stayed with me and God kept working.

19 years after I read in my buddy’s chapel service for troubled (and troubling) teenagers,  I finished my first book, “Blessed with Bipolar” and I asked one of the leaders in my church to write an endorsement for the back cover. Without any prompting or suggestion from me,  he wrote the following:

“This story will declare good news to the poor and proclaim freedom to the captives!”

As I looked over the scriptures for the  Catholic Mass on Holy Thursday (just last week), I found that the very same ‘good news to the poor’ passage was the day’s Gospel. The next day, Good Friday, I sat in church and asked the Holy Spirit to give me a scripture. And as I randomly opened a book of readings, He hit me smack in the chops:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to declare good news to the poor . . .”

I surrender, Lord. Twenty years down the road . . . my hell has become my ministry.

Richard Jarzynka,     author of  “Blessed with Bipolar“ follow on Facebook

by Richard Jarzynka, author of Blessed with Bipolar

Here are some scripture-based “fightin’ words” that I roar at bipolar when some of its traits that don’t seem like such a blessing start to take a run at me. [I fully understand and accept that there are those who will say that all of this is b.s. That I am delusional. And I say, "I love you still, but you don't know what you're missing and I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't try to tell you. And I will NEVER back down.]

(Tip: It helps to stand up, throw a fist in the air, stomp around like your Superman, and growl, when you’re throwing these words at bipolar. I know that may look crazy. So what? We are Bipolar!)

Jesus, the Christ’s, Fightin’ Words

“The Lord is a warrior! The Lord is His Name.” (Exodus 15:3) And I am His kid! With His warrior Spirit living in me! In Jesus Name, I break depression and it must go!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

THE SAME HOLY SPIRIT WHO RAISED CHRIST FROM THE DEAD IS THE HOLY SPIRIT WHO LIVES IN ME (Romans  8:11) Against us, bipolar doesn’t have a chance.

[Have you forgotten to stand up, throw a fist in the air, stomp around like your Superman, and growl? It's time to get up!]

In Christ I am MORE than a conqueror! (Romans 8:37)

I know that in ALL THINGS God is working for my absolute best. (Romans 8:28)

I have been through the furnace of humiliation because I am God’s chosen man! [Sirach 2:5 (also called, Ecclesiasticus) Catholic Bible]

I am a Saint, filled with the Holy Spirit. And today I will walk in the power of the Holy Spirit!

The very Son of God loves me so much that He died in my place. And He will NEVER let me go! Depression doesn’t stand a chance.

“Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.” (1John 4:4)

God is preparing me for something greater, something wonderful, something GODLY!

THE SOVEREIGN, OMNIPOTENT  CREATOR-KING OF THE UNIVERSE IS MY DAD AND HE LOVES ME MORE THAN I CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!

Roar these words at bipolar. Roar them at depression. And believe it. Convince yourself. Stand on the word of  God. They are the promises of GOD from before the dawn of time! They are eternal, faithful, and never-failing.

(Again – I fully understand and accept that there are those who will say that all of this is b.s. That I am delusional. And I say, “I love you still, but you don’t know what you’re missing and I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t try to tell you. And I will NEVER back down.)

Richard Jarzynka Blessed with Bipolar www.bipolarman.org Follow on Facebook

Richard Jarzynka

The first 89 pages of my book, BLESSED WITH BIPOLAR, can be read at this GOOGLE link. I invite you to take a look at it and post your review here on my blog. You can also get a look at the Table of Contents – and I wouldn’t be at all upset if you decided to  recommended it to a friend, post the link on your website/Twitter/Facebook page, and/or make a purchase. There is a link on the book’s Google page where you can get it for 39% off of the retail price. That brings it down to something like $12.75.

And don’t be afraid to beat me up in your review. As my 3-year-old nephew told me yesterday, “I’m a Big Children!” So I can take a tough review.

Blessed with Bipolar on Facebook

“If you could pick which mental illness to have, bipolar would be the only sane choice.”

Rich

by Richard Jarzynka

Pontius Pilate searched desperately for a way not to crucify Jesus. He might not yet have believed that the Man was the Son of God, but he was damned-sure that he had no reason to nail Christ to a cross.

I think Pilate liked Jesus. And his own wife had told him, “Have nothing to do with that innocent man.” That put the Governor in a tight spot. The angry mob was screaming for crucifixion and warning Pilate that if he didn’t get the job done, he would be no friend of Caesar. That’s some dilemma. Your wife and the Son of God on one shoulder and a riotous crowd and the emperor of the known-world on the other.

It was not a good Friday for old Pontius.

So, he decided to haggle. He offered Jesus’ accusers a deal. He would release to them the Jewish death row inmate of their choice. Jesus, who had committed the “crime” of claiming to be the Messiah sent from God, or Barabbas, an insurrectionist and murderer. Unfortunately for Pilate, the deal did not go down as planned. The roused rabble chose Barabbas . . . And I am him.

I could also be Peter, Pilate, or Judas. I have certainly denied, failed, misjudged, and betrayed Jesus more often than I would like to have to admit. But Barabbas is who I really need to be on Good Friday.

Barabbas was every bit the sinner that Peter, Pilate, and Judas were. And that alone makes all four of them a good fit for me. In fact, all five of us belong on that cross. But there is something extra special about Barabbas.

Scripture doesn’t tell us whether Barabbas ever eventually embraced Christ as his Lord and Savior, but, even if he did not, Barabbas is still the right metaphor for me. He fully accepted, jumped at, and surrendered to what Jesus did for him – without any hesitation.

Barabbas did not sigh, “Jesus, Jesus, man, you’re a great guy and all. I mean, I like a bunch of what you have to say – don’t understand a whole lot, but I like it. Might even wanna to somehow be like you. But, c’mon . . . I mean, man, I gotta do this for myself!” No. Barabbas did not say that. (and not just because English had not yet been invented) Barabbas sprinted out of that Roman prison, screaming and cackling like a madman for joy at the news that Jesus was taking the crucifixion that he, Barabbas deserved.

Jesus took Barabbas’ well-earned and fully-justified place on that Cross. And the sinless Son of God did precisely the same thing for me. Paid the penalty that I have richly earned, so that a wretch like me can have eternal life with my Lord in His Father’s eternal paradise – where I will continue to scream and cackle like a madman for joy, praising God forever. And searching heaven for Pilate and my boy, Barabbas, while I’m at it.

Richard Jarzynka is the author of  BLESSED WITH BIOLAR. You can mess with his mind on Facebook.